©Stina Lindenblatt
I write edgy YA stories about broken characters. Because of this, today I’m focusing on a topic that most parents and kids hope they never have to deal with, but is a sad fact for many kids: bullying.
Last year, my ten-year-old son was a victim of bullying. His once best friend (C) convinced another kid in their class to write a cruel comment on my son’s school project. The parents were contacted and C’s mom apologized to me, but made it clear her son wasn’t guilty since he wasn’t the one who wrote the words. Two weeks ago, my son and C were involved in another situation. This time the “bully” was a different kid (M). I spoke with the boys’ mothers, since they’re friends of mine. M’s mom was concerned. C’s mom shrugged it off as peer pressure. M’s mom had a long talk with M and he felt bad about what happened. Last week, C and yet another boy were playing with my son on the bus. Things got too rough and the other boy started hurting my son. They were also calling him a baby because he didn’t want to play Bloody Knuckles with them. M stood up for my son and told them to stop.
M told his mom what happened and all the mothers were contacted. The other boy felt bad about what had happened and apologized even before he learned his mom (who is an assistant principal for a high school) found out. C was a different story. He did what he excels at: he lied. And his mother believed him. When I pointed out that C was the common denominator in all the situations (including last year), the mother acted like her son was the victim*, though she did admit he wasn’t completely innocent. She pointed out that guys play rough, and my son should man it up and then there wouldn’t be a problem. That’s like saying guys like sex, so they have the right to rape and the girl doesn’t have the right to say no. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. No one has the right to hurt anyone.
The sad thing is, last year C’s mom left her husband after years of emotional abuse. Neither she nor her kids have sought therapy.
And so the vicious circle continues . . . .
Bullying still continues in our schools, but what can we do when the parents refuse to acknowledge there’s a problem? What can we do when we know someone needs to face the truth, but we don’t know how to help them see it?
Do you feel that parents, schools, and kids are doing everything they can to stop bullying? Has anyone else had to deal with bullying through one form or another (including domestic abuse)?
Helpful Links
Kids’ Help Phone: This is a Canadian organization, but the website has information on bullying.
Kidpower: Information on bullying and abuse
Helpguide.org: Information on domestic violence and hotline contacts for numerous countries.
* C is an indirect victim of his father’s bullying (the direct victim was the mother). He is not a victim when it comes to how he’s treated my son.