I was at a pool party yesterday when a young lady came and stood next to me. She seemed shy and was hugging her self tightly. I asked her what was wrong. And she said, "I don't want to take this cover off. I don't like my body."
She was 10.
My heart sank and I told this girl, "Listen, God loves you and made you just like you are supposed to be. Don't ever feel bad about that."
She did end up going swimming, but I could tell she was very aware of all the other girls there.
I got to thinking-- *I* have 3 girls. My oldest is 5 (she'll be 6 next week). That's only 4 more years before she is the shy young lady in her swimsuit... afraid to go into the water because of her low body image.
I don't want that to happen, and I decided to do everything in my power to help my daughters... and yours... or any friends you migh have who are going through the same things.
Titus 2 says, "Older women, train up the younger women... " And this one way we must train them up.
About a month ago, my oldest daughter came up to me and said, "Mama, why are mothers always fat?"
I went, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... " And I think my face got red because, I mean, was she calling me fat????
I asked why and she said, "Because Mamas are always trying to lose weight... because they say they are fat."
And...
It hit me.
I, myself, don't have the best self-concept when it comes to my body either. After 3 babies, I've learned to love every stretch mark, but still...
I got to thinking back on all the times I said, "Mama's fat. Mama doesn't need to eat any more because I'll be fatter." Oh. my. Gosh!
It makes me CRINGE when I think back on that!
I decided then and there when she asked me that to NEVER say that again. To tell my ladies at least once a day that they are just as God wanted them... and just right so that, hopefully, when they get older it will stick.
Now, I'm not totaly naive in all of this. I realize that between tv and their friends at school, they will get a tiny bug in their ear that will grow and they will probably learn that a "size 0 is the only perfect size."
However, I want to give them some tools to HOPEFULLY help them fight those bugs. To be confident young ladies... just as they are confident young girls.
So, what should we do?
I looked up a site called How to Raise Girls with Healthy Self-Esteem.
Some of the things they suggest are:
*Monitor your OWN comments around your kids or other girls
*Watch your own stereotypes. Let your daughter help fix the stove and not just cook on it. Give them that sense of "I CAN do it."
*Encourage her to speak her mind (BUT I'm going to add... speak your mind, but in a nice, Godly Manner.)
Some things I'm going to suggest are:
*Spend time playing with your daughter. Find ways to say that ALL women/people are beautiful.
*Watch TV shows with them and discuss what you are watching. We watch "Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss" And talk about how pretty the girls are in their dresses. My girls love to watch them play dress up... and how pretty they are in their dresses. We don't discuss 'size', but hopefully the visual of a beautiful woman who happens to not be a size 4 will help them later in life.
*Not just tell them that they are pretty (which I do... because they are and I don't want them to think their Mama never told them that)... BUT also add at different times how smart they are/How kind they are. Not just focusing on the physical.. but on the inside too.
We, as older ladies (yes, WE are older) have a responsibility to teach the younger ladies about a healthy body image... and our BEST way it accept our OWN body. You are beautiful... and 50 diets in the world won't change that. You should want to be a healthy weight (which I'm not lol) for the healthy of it... not for the physical appearance (yes, I know how hard that is... ).
We obviously can't control how our girls feel, but we can give them the tools to hopefully help them along the way to see that they are beautiful just the way they are... that is my hope for my 3 ladies.
Our kids will learn from us... and if they don't learn from us... then they will learn from the world (from magazines, tv, kids at school... ). How scary is that?
Much Love,
Kelly
(linked at Women Living Well and Titus 2sdays and Word Filled Wendesday Blog Hop)