(... and not in a good way)
Verse for the week:
1 Corinthians 13:3 If I gave everything to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.
*********************** Martyr means a person who "suffers persecution and death for refusing to renounce, or accept, a belief or cause, usually religious" (according to Wikipedia.com)
That's not exactly the type of "martyr" I'm talking about today. I'm talking about when we either do something we don't want to do (and huff and puff about it) OR when we list EVERYTHING we have done and get mad when someone doesn't acknowledge it.
Our 'Martyr' today isn't a good kind--- but it is a kind I think we have all been at one time or another.
You've heard the expression "Don't be a Martyr"... yeah... don't think they were talking about how great you are...
So... why are we talking about this anyway?
Well, let me give you an example. I originally wrote this a few months ago. On the day I wrote it, I wasn't in the best mood ever. I was a "situational" martyr-- for lack of a better term.
My husband and I (and our girls) had had a long day-- and a long night with family and friends. I was worn out. Exhausted even. My oldest daughter was tired too and when we both get tired, watch out! I think we were bickering a bit (don't bicker with your kids, btw lol).
Did I mention I was tired and in a bad mood???? Well, my husband (my dear sweet husband) had the "nerve" to ask me to put the baby to bed because he had something to do!!!!
Seriously!
Ladies, you know where I am coming from?!
Before I could stop them, these words came out of my mouth. "WHAT!? Do you have ANY idea what I have done and what I HAVE to do?! I have to get the girls ready, shower, get ready for bed--- etc... etc... "
Yes, I Kelly, your facilitator on this journey of 'what is love' was being a martyr-- a martyr for myself.
Truth is, I could have very easily taken the baby and completed the two minute bedtime routine myself (she was very tired and was knocked out quickly anyway).
But the martyr came out in me. The "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE TODAY!" Diva reared her ugly head.
*I* wasn't acting out of love--
Instead I yelled. I was mad. And then later, I felt bad.
And the *worst* part (oh yes, the WORST part) was that I had to eat crow and tell him that I was sorry because once I calmed down I saw what I'd done-- and I really was sorry. I could have handled that much better than I did. Live and learn, right?
Notebook question: Now, it's your turn. Think back really hard (I know it will be hard... ;)) and think of a time when you were a "situational martyr". When you did something, but loudly proclaimed to anyone who would listen (and even to some who weren't) that you WOULD do something, but DIDN'T want too because of all the other things you HAD to do...
It is probably one of the easiest things in the world to be-- a martyr... Now a REAL martyr... a REAL FOR CHRIST Martyr would be hard to be (in my opinion), but one like we are talking about... a "worldly" martyr would be easy, and it is easy.
It is SO easy to boast, brag, complain about everything you have done-- how tired you are-- "Don't you know!?!" etc. Oh, I know...
In a way, when you tell others everything you have done, you are boasting. Boasting that you do all of this stuff-- all by yourself with not help. Please know that I know all about this lol. I really, really do lol (And my husband would vouch for me lol)
When we tell someone all of the things we do, we do it for 2 reasons. 1) For them to be impressed and say, "Wow, that's great!"
2) To vent that we have to do all that and we need sympathy
Look back to your notebook question. Which of the 2 purposes were you looking for?
There are some who do good works only when someone else is looking. There are some who will give $10000 to charity, but only if others know about it. They brag about their financial contribution to their friends. Others only give blood for the satisfaction of someone saying, "Wow, you are awesome!!!"
According to Paul, if our attitudes are like that, then our 'good works' are for nothing-- meaning they are for no Heavenly gain. Our rewards will only be what we gain here on Earth.
Think back on some of the "good works" you do. Why are you doing them? Are they out of the goodness of your heart or obligation? Are they because you want to bless others or to get recognition? Are they out of martyrdom or love?
If you answered love, then YAY! You are doing well. You are right on track. You aren't perfect, but its ok. You are working out of love. And yeah, it's ok to complain at times. We aren't robots. We all do it. But God knows our hearts, and he knows if we are coming from a place of love or 'have too'. If it is out of love, then we will gain more in Heaven than we have on Earth.
If you answered "No", that you aren't sweeping the floor 3 times a day out of the goodness of your heart, then your reward will be the clean floor here on Earth and nothing gained (from that) in Heaven. Which is fine. A clean floor is great-- but what if you could get something more? Something greater?
The GREAT thing about this is that is NEVER too late to change--- and if you falter along the way, that's ok. It's ok to make mistakes. God love us anyway. If you decide you are going to do your daily "chores" anyway--- why NOT pray to do it through love... that way you will get more rewards for it in Heaven?
Plus, anything is better and easier if you want and love to do it.
No one wants or likes to take out the trash (well some might... I won't judge you if you do lol.) To me, it's not a fun or pleasant past time. But lets think on that for a bit:
Notebook Question: Name 3 negatives for taking out the trash.
Now...
Name 3 positives for taking it out.
The basic point of this question is to let us see that even if we have things we don't like to do, we don't have to resort to being a 'martyr' to do it. We can find the positives in it and do them out of love.
Do good, whether anyone see is or not. Give without anyone knowing it to charity. Do the things you 'have' to do joyfully.
Gotta clean the toilet? Be thankful you have one.
Kids break your favorite glass bowl? Be grateful you have kids who can do that. Children are the blessing--- the glass bowl is the thing.
Paul said that 'true love'-- the kind of love we are studying about-- is not boasted about. It is not 'self-martyred' It is not flaunted like a new outfit.
We aren't perfect. We all have bad days. We have tempers. We are human. But the trick is that we need to make that 'bad day' NOT turn into a 'bad week' then a 'bad month' then a 'bad year' and finally a sad life.
We need to do our best to make a conscious decision to understand love and actually try to love others-- not just say we do. Our actions speak so much more loudly than our words.
Notebook Questions: 1) How do you, personally, show people that you love them?
2) Think about your least favorite chore ever. How can you turn that into something you like to do?
3) Name three tools you can use to stop yourself next time you fell like being a situational martyr.
This week concludes the first 3 verses of 1 Corinthians 13. They are usually called The Necessities of Love Our next three verses will deal about the characteristic actions of love.
Next week, we will study verse 4. "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud." I think next week's study is very interesting and I hope you take the time to stop by and read along.
Here are our daily verses to get us ready for next week's post:
Tuesday: 1 Peter 4:8
Wednesday: 1 Peter 1:22
Thursday: Proverbs 10:12
Friday: Romans 12:10
Saturday: 1 Corinthians 13:4
If you have any comments about this week's study, please leave them below. I'd love to hear from you. If you'd like to participate in daily discussions, please 'like' my facebook page. I would LOVE (pun intended) to have some discussions on there about these verses. Also, my friend, Kathi-ann, has been blogging the verses every day (well, mostly every day) :) You can find her site at http://dothisinremembranceofme.wordpress.com/
If anyone else is blogging through this study, please let me know and I'll add your site.
Onward and upward :)
Much love, and thanks for taking the time to do this study with me. I really appreciate it.
Kelly