Purple Prose + Novel

Character Connection

One of the most common reasons for rejecting a manuscript is when the agent or editor can’t connect with the main character. Sometimes this is subjective; other times it’s not.

First you need a multi-dimensional, sympathetic character. Next you need to examine your Motivation Reaction Units (MRU)*. A Motivation can be an action, dialogue, or description that leads your character to react. For example, if you are walking toward your house and it explodes, the exploding house is the Motivation. The Reaction is what YOU do in response.

The intensity of Reaction needs to match the intensity of the Motivation. If your house explodes, you’ll likely react with more than a mere shrug. If the Motivation is small and the Reaction is over the top, then you’ve got an issue with melodrama.

Reaction can be action, dialogue, visceral reactions (e.g. heart rate), and/or inner dialogue. Visceral reactions (the body’s response that you can’t control) ALWAYS come first. The rest is up to you and your genre. But if you’re finding you are getting rejections because agents aren’t connecting with your character, you might want to examine your inner dialogue. It might not be enough. Remember, though, it needs to move the plot forward, not force it to sit still while your character contemplates the non-relevant.

Read the following three version of the opening from City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare:

Version with no inner thoughts

“Just coffee, please.” (Reaction: the waitress had presumably asked Simon what he wanted to order before the opening of the book)

The waitress raised her penciled eyebrows. “You don’t want anything to eat?” she asked. Her accent was thick, her attitude disappointed. (Motivation)

“Just the coffee.” (Reaction)

With a shrug the waitress took his laminated menu and went to put his order in. (Motivation)

Version with most of the inner thoughts deleted

“Just coffee, please.” (Reaction)

The waitress raised her penciled eyebrows. “You don’t want anything to eat?” she asked. Her accent was thick, her attitude disappointed. (Motivation)

Simon Lewis couldn’t blame her; she’d probably been hoping for a better tip than the one she was going to get on a single cup of coffee. “Just the coffee.” (Reaction)

With a shrug the waitress took his laminated menu and went to put his order in. (Motivation)

Version from the novel

“Just coffee, please.” (Reaction)

The waitress raised her penciled eyebrows. “You don’t want anything to eat?” she asked. Her accent was thick, her attitude disappointed. (Motivation)

Simon Lewis couldn’t blame her; she’d probably been hoping for a better tip than the one she was going to get on a single cup of coffee. But it wasn’t his fault vampires didn’t eat. Sometimes, in restaurants, he ordered food anyway, just to preserve the appearance of normalcy, but late Tuesday night, when Veselka was almost empty of other customers, it didn’t seem worth the bother. “Just the coffee.” (Reaction)

With a shrug the waitress took his laminated menu and went to put his order in. (Motivation)

Do you see the difference? Which gives you a better feel for who Simon is?

HOMEWORK

  • Copy a scene from a story in the genre you write (preferably a book you love/admire) and highlight the inner thoughts. Do they move the story forward? Do they give you insight into the character and her goals? What do you like about them? What don’t you like? Compare them to your writing.
  • Take a scene from your story and analyze each Motivation and subsequent Reaction. Is the reaction enough? Can you expand on it by combining more than one element (e.g. action and inner thought)? What is your character thinking after the Motivation? Would it help your reader connect with your character if you wrote it down? (Write it down. You can go back later and trim if need be.) You’ll be surprise just how much you can strengthen the characterization by doing this exercise. Better yet, do it for the entire novel. Yes, it takes time, but it’s worth it if readers are struggling to connect with your character.

* For more info, check out Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain

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Character Connection + Novel