To me, one of the hardest things for me to accept is when I do something stupid or commit a sin that I KNOW I'm doing and do it anyway... or think about what I've done later and feel bad about it.
Honestly.
It irks me to no end when I say something, do something, feel something, etc. that I know isn't right, but I do it anyway... OR the proverbial "Hindsight is 20/20". I'll do something and at the end of the day think, "What was I thinking????"
I struggle with this a lot. I know the rules. I read my Bible. I know good/evil, right/wrong. I know I'm supposed to not use foul or abusive language, not to hate, to hold my tongue, to say helpful not hurtful words, to be a worthy wife, to not worry, to not gossip and so on (these passages came from http://www.bibleresources.org/ and are from the New Living Translation version).
The point is that I KNOW what I'm supposed to do... and sometimes I totally TOTALLY fail. Last night was one of those nights. Sometimes I just get tired of holding my tongue. Sometimes a word slips. SOMETIMES I'd just LOVE to go out and gossip until I can't gossip any more because.. well.. I just do. I worry more than I should. I want so badly to be a worthy wife and mother...
And yet...
I fail.
All. the. time.
Before this post becomes a total downer, let me shift your eye to this verse. The first that gives me hope, calms my nerves, makes me feel happy...
Ecclesiastes 7:20-- There is not a single person in all the earth who is always good and never sins (that came from my Study Bible... can't remember the version)
Lets look at that again:
New Living Translation
Ecclesiastes 7:20:
20 Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins.
King James Version
Ecclesiastes 7:20:
20 For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not.
New King James Version
Ecclesiastes 7:20:
20For there is not a just man upon earth who doeth good and sinneth not.
New American Standard Bible
Ecclesiastes 7:20:
20 Indeed, (A)there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who never sins.
Have we got it yet? Have *I* got it yet?
There is no person on this entire Earth that always does the right thing.
It's something that we should know... it's something that is pretty common sense, right?
Then why can't we related it to ourselves... or better yet to our spouses?
Uh-Oh!
Yeap, this turned in a direction I didn't intend.
*I* Know I'm not perfect... far from it. I try to do the right things, but like I said, I falter. I have to learn to forgive myself quickly and not dwell on it. I have to accept that as good as I 'want' to be, I'm not perfect... only ONE person can claim that and I'm not Him (nor do I want to be).
I don't take Ecc. 7:20 as an excuse either. "Oh, no one is perfect so why even try?" NO, because Solomon also gave a bit of a warning... That's the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and all of his commands, for this is everyone's duty Ecc 12:13
So, we can and should strive to be good and make good choices, but we will not succeed all of the time and we have to forgive ourselves when we don't...
AND...
Our spouses.
Man, that's hard, right? Our husband does something that we think is probably one of the biggest mistakes of all time (exaggeration there, but you know what I mean). and it takes a while for us to get over it. Well, maybe we should have Ecc. 7:20 tattooed on his head for us to read at all times. Guess what? Our husbands/wives aren't perfect either. They do what they feel is right and if not then they have to deal with the consequences (which is probably a ticked off spouse... ). If someone already feels bad about something, why do we make it worse?
I need help in this area too. My husband, my kids, my family, my friends, acquaintances, and even myself WILL make mistakes. There is not a single person in all the earth who is always good and never sins.
I need to remind myself of that about 1000 times a day. Sometimes forgiving yourself (even for silly/stupid mistakes) or your spouse is one of the hardest things to do.
Much Love and don't forget that tomorrow is the due date for the Great Toy Purge of 2011 :) Looking forward to seeing updates.
Kelly