Purple Prose + TIME

When we think we are in control... but we're not

So, yesterday I had my wisdom teeth cut out. I was going in to get all 4 cut out, but due to some unforseen complications, I only got 2 out and have to go back in 2 weeks for another surgery (ye-haw). But that's not the point of this post.

The point is that I was scared of the surgery.

I wasn't scared per sa OF the surgery. I was glad to get my teeth that had hurt me for years out. What I was worried about was the being put under, the not being able to take care of my kids, the possibility of doing something stupid while 'doped up'. Basically, it was the fear of 'not' being in control.

Being in control of situations is really important to me. It helps me as a teacher, a wife, and a mama. If I wasn't in control of my classroom, my kids would run amuck. If I wasn't in control of paying the bills, my family would suffer. If I wasn't in control of raising my kids, they would suffer in the long run (and my husband helps too... I'm not in control of EVERYTHING, but the need to at least know what is going on is strong in me). The thought of being put to sleep (it was my first time ever) scared me because things would be going on with me that I wasn't in control of... that I wouldn't know about.

And I knew I wasn't going to feel good today either (which I don't, but I'm making it... so far lol).

All that weighed heavily on my mind and I 'might' have had a come apart in the operating table to the nurse for feeling 'selfish' for having the surgery (I'm saving that train of thought for another post). The nurse reassured me that I was doing the right thing and that my kids would be fine.

And then I took a much needed nap (that nap was awesome).

***And now... the POINT of this post***

The hubs drove me home, of course. But I felt fine. I was just a bit sleepy. Nothing major. We came home. I laid in the bed (when I wasn't on the internet). I took my pain pills. I put gauze in my mouth. I called my mother to check on the ladies. And I bared my soul to the husband... APPARENTLY pain pills and whatever they give you to knock you out, makes me very talky! I think I told him my deepest dreams, biggest goals, plans for our family... wow. Things I didn't want to necessarily 'hide' from him, but that I really wasn't ready to talk to him about.

He was good. He laid with me and listened. I wondered at the time why he wasn't saying much, but it was probably because it was all coming out so fast and jumbled up, that it probably sounded like a rant of a crazy person!

Then around 6, he went to get the girls and when they got home, I decided to show the hubs my other blog. I had never showed him it before and I wanted him to see what I'd been working on.

So I sat down to show it to him... and he said, "Um, Kelly. You already showed me this today... you don't remember it, do you?"

I didn't!

Here I thought I was SO in control yesterday. I *thought* that the pain meds and other drugs hadn't affected me that much. I *thought* I was in control of my own actions when if that was the case, I wouldn't have spilled my guts (not that it was a bad thing), and I would have remembered showing him my blogs.

When thinking back on it, it made me realize why some people drink and drive. I don't drink... well, I very VERY rarely drink. I haven't had a drink in a restaurant in over 2 years. At home, its few and VERY far between. But, it made me realize how you can 'think' you are in control... you THINK you are perfectly fine to drive.BUT YOU'RE NOT. Heck, I *thought* I felt fine enough to drive home yesterday... BUT if I had, I might have wound up in Little Rock--- dancing on tables before I came back to my senses (there is visual image for you!)

To sum up, sometimes we think we are in control, when we really are not. If we think about it, we are never 'truly' in control because that 'job' is God's (even if we don't like to admit it sometimes). We need to be careful of the 'control' we *think* we have. Its good to be on top of things (bills, child raising, homemaking), but it's silly to think that we are actually 'in control' of it... *I'm* silly for thinking that.

The things you learn from Oral Surgery... (I think I have gotten 3 blog posts I want to write from it!)

Much love! Remember you still have time to finish Quest #5 by Saturday. It's a pretty easy one this week. I finished in a little over an hour.


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When we think we are in control... but we're not + TIME