Purple Prose:
showing

We know we’re supposed to show and not tell (most of the time), but do you really know how to show what you want to say? Or do your critique partners keep getting on your case for telling instead of showing?

Jessica Bell recently released her new book Show and Tell in a Nutshell. In it, she presents sixteen examples on how to show different attributes instead of “telling” them. For each example, she lists the key points she wants to show (for example, boredom, living conditions, mess) and turns it into a telling paragraph. She then presents the same information, but in a scene rich with “showing."

If, like me, you need a list of rules and explanations, then your best bet is to first read Rivet Your Readers with Deep POV by Jill Elizabeth Nelson (I reviewed the book here). Jessica’s book doesn’t share a list of dos and don’ts for showing verses telling. Instead, it provides you with before and after examples that you can analyze to see how Jessica improved the scenes with showing.You then apply the results to your own writing. The two books complement each other in this way. If you are the type of writer who prefers dissecting examples to see why it worked, and aren’t into a list of dos and don’ts, then Jessica’s book is perfect for you. Either way, Show and Tell in a Nutshell can benefit your writing if you struggle with the concept of show and tell.

In addition to the above, Show and Tell in a Nutshell provides a list of different attributes (e.g. alcoholism, anger, flu, lust, panic attack) so you can see examples of how you can show them in your story. This is a great starting place if you’re not sure how to do it.

What’s your preferred learning style? Studying lists of dos and don’ts, analyzing excerpts to see how authors performed their magic, or a combination of the two?

If you’re interested in winning a copy of Show and Tell in a Nutshell, Jessica is giving away a copy on Goodreads. Good luck!

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And the winners of the New Adult giveaway last week are:

Meredith
Christina Lee

Both winners have already been contacted. I hope you enjoy your books. :)

©Stina Lindenblatt

Monday, I posted on how universal theme and the character wound builds emotion in your story. Today, I want to focus on two other ways to develop emotional power in your story.

Showing verses Telling

The first thing you want to avoid when writing emotion is telling.

“Go away,” he said angrily.

In the above sentence, the writer is telling the reader that the character is angry. We don’t get to experience his anger. You can switch ‘said angrily’ for yelled, but there’s a stronger way to show emotion.

He gripped the ends of the armrests and took a long, slow breath. “Go. Away.” The two simple words, meaningless on their own, held a dangerous edge when spoken without his usual warmth. He could only hope that Lydia was smart enough to understand what he was really telling her. She was a b**** and a traitor, and he would rather spend eternity in hell than spend another minute listening to her heartbreaking lies.

In the first example, you learn nothing about the character. By showing the emotion through action, dialogue, inner thoughts, visceral reaction, setting (more about this in a moment), you reveal characterization. One character might scream and hurl breakable objects at the wall when he is angry. Another character might speak in a calm yet deadly tone, and reveal his anger through body language, like in the second example. Same emotion. Two different ways to show it.

Go Deep

Words are powerful, but only if you pick the right ones. Use words in an unexpected way to add emotion to the sentence. These are typically your theme words or scene-related ones (i.e. if your scene deals with death, your power words would be related to death). For example, ‘He watched the light bleed slowly out of day . . . . ‘ (Whispers by Dean Koontz). Notice the difference, emotion wise, between that and ‘He watched the daylight fade . . . .’ The former sentence was created to give you the shivers. Try this trick to add dimension and emotion to your setting.

Use words to show a shift in emotion and mood in the scene. The scene could start off with words like ‘skip, sunshine, rose-scented’, but as the mood and emotion change, you weave in words like ‘trudge, stench of rotting corpses, spiraling down’. For the most impact, figure out what emotions you want to show in the scene, brainstorm verbs and nouns that best convey them, then slip them in as needed. This is a great way to add imagery to your writing.

Study Study Study

The best way to learn how to put emotion in your story is to study your favorite novels (or short stories, if you write them). Pick ones similar to what you want to write. For example, if you want to write a tear jerker, then that’s what you should study. Rip them apart and examine how the author approached the above elements. Then apply what you learned to your WIP. I’ll be talking more about analyzing stories in an upcoming post.

Do you make sure that your story is rich with emotion before you write the first draft and while editing?

(note: I’ve posted part one and two today on the Querytracker blog).

source

This summer, I dragged two of my kids to our Toyota dealer because of an issue with our van. Five years ago, we bought a vehicle that turned out to have a major design flaw. A design flaw Toyota knew about.

Several days after we took our van in for regular maintenance, the door on the driver’s side made a loud cracking sound every time we opened it. We took it back to Toyota and they told us only an auto body shop could fix it. At. Our. Expense. That was a $600 bill. This was when we found out it was a common problem for Toyota vehicles made over five years ago (and of course, our warranty had just expired).

I went back to the dealership and asked: During our regular service appointments did anyone, knowing this was an issue, checked the status of the doors while our van was still under warranty?

The last thing the service guy wanted to do was answer my question. He kept avoiding it. He told me the info I had (printed from their website) only applied to the U.S. (Yeah, right). So I repeated my ‘yes or no’ question. Okay, maybe I’ve watched one too many Law & Order episodes. I was beginning to sound like a lawyer, stressing each time that I was only interested in a yes or no response.

The guy grew agitated and shifted nervously on his feet. I kept asking my question and he kept refusing to answer it since I was taking him away from his script. It was actually quite entertaining, especially when he shot panicked looks at his co-workers and they pretended he didn’t exist.

Subtext enables your reader to see that more is going on than what’s in the text. It enables you to create a richer, more emotion packed story. But remember, subtext is never told. It’s implied (shown) by many things, including your characters’ actions.

Do you enjoy writing subtext? Is it something your focus on when editing a draft?

(Note: I’ll be talking more about subtext next week)