Purple Prose:
voice

Two weeks ago, I started querying my YA contemporary novel, Still. Things started off well. Within two days, I landed a partial request (I already had a full out).

Naturally, I did this:

But I'd also submitted my query to Agent Mailbox on a website for YA writers.

If your query and first 250 words are accepted, it goes to a panel of ten agents. It’s faster than going the regular channels, plus you get feedback from the site administer and her assistant. The assistant had already given me her feedback so I confidently fired off the query that landed me the request.

But the site administer felt the query could be improved. I worked on it, and took it to my local RWA meeting (Romance Writers of America) for query night. And boy did I get some bad advice, as well as a few good suggestions. After that, one of my friends had a go at it. As did someone else. Before I knew it, I'd completely lost confidence in my query because it never seemed to be right. And it didn’t help that during this, it had lost my main character’s voice. The thing that’s vital in your query.

I was ready to give up. I had become paralyzed by fear. Fear that agents would find something wrong with it. Fear that I would send it out, only for someone to come up with a better version which might garner me a request instead of a rejection.

A few days later, after reposting the shiny new query on Agent Mailbox, the site administer critted it but there was one major problem based on my hook (which was pretty much the same hook as before):

Most seventeen-year-olds struggle to keep secrets, but if Calleigh screws up, her best friend is dead.

According to the individual, the death of the best friend wasn’t a big enough stake. It should be a family member. Huh? I was positive this line indicated the type of person Calleigh is and the strength of the friendship. Alejandra’s like a sister to Calleigh.

Several hours after this, I landed a request from my old query. I send out the new one, and landed another request.

Apparently, four agents didn’t share the individual’s opinion. Why? Because they didn’t read it using adult logic (like the critter did). They used teen logic. Plus, what's important to a teen, might not be as important to an adult. If the book was about a forty year old, then the potential death of the wife and kids would be a better choice.

Well, let’s just say I'm now cured of Querying Paralysis (I just have to drag myself from my new WIP to send out more queries).

Has anyone else had to deal with Querying Paralysis, and what did you do to overcome it (or maybe you haven’t)?

How many times have you read a bestselling novel and let it influence your writing, but when your critique partner or an agent sees it . . . well the results aren’t pretty?

There are rules in writing we need to follow to increase our chances of landing an agent or being published. Some rules are flexible enough to allow us to bend them for creative purposes. Other rules are rigid. Try to bend them and disaster will befall you.

The trick is knowing which rules can be successfully broken. However, bestselling authors aren’t necessarily the ones to shows which rules they are. These writers have more leeway than the rest of us.

Examples: (These are from a few of my favorite YA authors.)

Flashbacks

Because flashbacks pretty much stop the action of the story, you want to be careful with them. Keep them as short as possible, and only use them when necessary.

Sarah Dessen uses flashbacks a lot in her novels, but instead of the main character flashing back to a time before the start of the book, she flashes back to an event that took place between the last scene and the current one.

I tried that and was told if the event in the flashback was that important, then I needed to write it as a scene. Great advice. Sarah’s allowed to do it her way. We aren’t.

Dialogue

One of the most common pieces of advice says don’t start chapter one with dialogue since the reader hasn’t had a chance yet to visualize the scene because of the lack of context.

Same advice should apply to individual chapters, unless it’s starts off where the last one ended. I’m a fan of Alyson Noel’s Immortal Series, but she has, on occasion, left the reader in suspense because she starts the chapter off with dialogue, but doesn’t tell the reader which character said it. Sometimes it’s take you the whole page to figure out who said it. This is false suspense, and it's annoying. The reader needed to know who said it so she can visualize the scene. Of course, this hasn't stopped Alyson from selling books. And it hasn't stopped me from buying them.

Gerunds

We know we’re not supposed to overuse –ing verbs and the passive “as” such as in this sentence:

I take long, slow breaths, reminding myself there’re thousands of psychos on the streets. (From my novel, Still.)

They’re fine, as long as you don’t abuse them.

Alyson Noel has made it part of her style to use tons of sentences such as:

Leaving me to stand there, jaw dropped to my knees, as both doors spring open and sweep him inside before I can blink. (Dark Flame)

She can get away with that. We can’t.

Echoes

A few weeks ago, I blogged about repetitive words, phrases, or concepts that often appear in our manuscripts until a crit partner points them out. Some readers might not notice them. Others might be ready to hurl your book (which happens to be on their computer) across the room if they read the phrase one more time.

I read a book by a bestselling author (who shall remain nameless) in which not only was the phrase abused an estimated 150 times (sometimes twice on the same page), but it was the clichéd eye rolling. Seriously, I’m surprised the main character’s eyes didn’t get stuck due to all the eye rolling that happened.

Adverbs Galore

Too many adverbs and adjectives are the kiss of death, especially when overused in dialogue tags. Of course, if you’re J.K. Rowling, this rule doesn’t apply to you. But for the rest of us, don’t do it!

So what do you think? Should we take risks like these bestselling authors, or should we play it safe? And without giving away names, do you have any examples of rules you’ve seen broken by a bestselling author, which would be a big no-no if we tried it?

Edited: I should add that Lisa McMann (Wake trilogy) broke many rules in her debut novel, and it seriously rocked. So, there's something to think about.

I’m going to tell you a secret. I’m a huge fan of So You Think You Can Dance Canada? During season three (which ended last month), it dawned on me just how much we writers can learn from the show.

1. Don’t be afraid to try new genres: During his audition, super sexy Denys Drozdyuk wowed the judges by not only performing the Paso Doble on his own (something unheard of since it’s most definitely a partner dance), he combined it with a touch of contemporary dance.

All twenty-two dancers selected for the show had to learn and perform dance styles they had never studied before (contemporary, jazz, ballroom, hip hop, Latin dance). The dancers only had a few days to learn the routine, yet all did an amazing job.

As writers, we should push ourselves to try (or at least read) different genres, and see how aspects of them might combine to produce something even more exciting. You might even develop a new trend. Isn’t that what we all want? To be on top of a trend instead of racing behind it, especially since the latter is never recommended.

2. Bring out the emotion: At the end of each performance, the dance partners listened—sweat dripping down their faces, hearts pounding from the gruelling routine—as the judges critique the dance. Often the dancers were told to dig deep and pull out that raw emotion, which will take them to the next level. Those who managed to do that went far in the competition. There were a few dances that left the judges in tears because of the emotional connection they felt with the dancer and the performance (not to mention the subject matter).

Same deal with writers. In order for the reader to connect with our characters, we need to dig deep and bring our characters’ emotions to life on the page. It’s not easy at times. Sometimes we’re crying over what we just put them through (Or is that just me?). But it’s essential if we want to get to the next level: gaining an agent or landing a book contract.

3. You owned that dance: Each dancer had his or her own style (e.g. wild, kooky, etc). The successful dancers applied that to their routines and the judges took notice. This style made those dancers memorable. Very important during the competition.

Okay, writers. I have only one word for you: Voice!

4. Don’t give up because you were rejected: Tara-Jean Popowich auditioned for the first season of the show but never made it to the top twenty. She went home and did everything she could to become a better dancer. Her hard work and determination paid off. Not only did she make it to the show for season two. She won the position of Canada’s favorite dancer.

Like dancers, writers deal with rejections All The Time. It’s part of the package. But instead of bemoaning the unfairness of it all, take the rejection and use it to make your writing and/or story better. Maybe you need a crit group (or a different one). Maybe you need to enrol in a writing class to hone your skill some more. Do whatever it takes to push your writing to the next level.

5. Embrace the critique: Winner Denys Drozdyuk couldn’t have said it better on the final show when he told the judges that praise is great, but the critiques were what had made him a better dancer. What more can I say?

It was amazing watching the show and seeing how much dance has in common with writing fiction. Both require determination, passion, skill, and the ability to tell a story. Do you have all of these requirements? Is there something you need to work on some more?

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I'm the guest blogger today on the Query Tracker Blog. The topic? The wicked truths about writing edgy YA novels. I'd love it if you zipped over to say, "Hi!"

Have you ever looked at a picture and got shivers at the emotion the image evokes? You then ask your friend or spouse what they think, expecting them to have the same response, but all they do is shrug said say, “It’s okay.”

Before you clobber him (or her) on the head for his obvious lack of artistic appreciation, think about why you responded that way to the picture. Deep down, there was something about it that stirred your emotions.

And that’s exactly what you have to remember when you describe a setting or object in your novel. It’s not enough to just list all the objects in the teenage boy’s bedroom. That’s boring. You want to evoke the reader’s emotions. And that is done through the point of view character. Remember, readers don’t really care about the room. They care about the character.

For example, I could have described the room of the seventeen-year-old character in my novel (who is living with his uncle and aunt) like this:

Paintings of mountain meadows dotted with colorful flowers hang on the walls. The carpet is beige, the furniture antique pine. A vase of silk wildflowers sits on the dresser, flanked by two white taper candles in stubby iron holders. The air smells like spicy vanilla.

The bookshelves are heavy with historical romances. And on the bed is a coffee brown quilt and light blue accent pillows, which are perfectly arranged.

Definitely boring.

Now rewritten from the female protagonist’s point of view:

I follow him upstairs, enter his room, and freeze.

Paintings of mountain meadows dotted with colorful flowers decorate his walls. The beige carpet and antique pine furniture are free of clothes. Instead, a vase of silk wildflowers sits on the dresser, flanked by two white taper candles in stubby iron holders. A spicy vanilla aroma taunts the air, not at all like the fresh ocean-y scent I associate with Aaron.

I walk to the bookshelf on the wall opposite the bed, and run my finger across the cold, glossy spines of the paperbacks.

“Historical Romances?” I try to smother a grin. “Somehow I had you peg more as a Harlequin-type guy.”

“What can I say? I’m full of surprises.”

“So I see,” I say, taking in the rest of the room. Even the coffee brown quilt and light blue accent pillows on his bed are perfectly arranged, yet seem out of place at the same time. It’s as if he hasn’t fully accepted the place as his new home. As if he expects to be booted out at the first hint he’s violated a probationary rule.

See the difference? Instead of a shopping list of items, the reader gets into Calleigh’s head and see’s how she views the room, plus you get more insight into the characters.

Now, try this out with a scene in your wip and see what a difference it makes. (Yep, I’m assigning you homework.)

Next week, I’ll have another post on setting, based on some great advice from the recent SCBWI conference I attended.

Last week, I talked about how teen logic and adult logic are not the same. This is an important distinction to make when you write for teens, as two of my commenters pointed out.

Riv Re: As a teen myself, I hate reading a book written about an adult in a teen's body. You're totally right, about the logic and emotions of it.

Alyssa Kirk: Also, you're right about teen logic. Myself (and all teens) can spot an unauthentic teen voice immediately and those are the books I usually don't finish.

In the book Inside the Teenage Brain, Sheryl Feinstein describes the remodelling the brain undergoes during adolescence. I’m not going to go into the neuroscience of it, though I do recommend reading the book. Sheryl does a great job explaining it in layman’s terms, and it really is fascinating.

When it comes to making decisions, teens use a different part of their brains compared to adults. Teens rely on the amygdale, which is the emotional center of the brain. Adults use their frontal lobes, which is the last part of the brain to be developed during adolescence. This is the logical part of the brain. The part that knows the difference between a good decision and a bad one.

A few other points to remember:

• There’s a huge difference between the brain of a twelve year old and the brain of a seventeen year old.

• "The teenage brain is designed for misunderstandings and misinterpretations" (page 19). Perfect for YA writers, not so great for parents.

• Impulse control develops with age. So a twelve-year-old’s self-control is going to be less than that for an older teen.

• Younger teens say one thing and then do something else, instead.

• "Teens believe they are indestructible" (page 31). Don’t believe me. Think teenage boys and cars.

• The teenage brain has the delightful (not) way of making teens feel like they’re the only ones to experience something. When a girl says to her mother: “You don’t understand. You’ve never been in love.” She actually believes it. Again, great for YA writers.

• "Older teens can better logically follow an argument than can younger teens" (page 51).

• "The emotional part of the brain doesn’t reach maturation until the person is about twenty years old" (page 51). Personally, I don’t think I’ve even reached this point. Maybe that’s why I can write YA.

Does this mean you can’t have a character who is logical? No, it doesn’t. Everyone is different. Our experiences, personalities, interests all play a role in who we are and our ability to solve problems. The point is to remain true to your characters and don’t treat them like they're mini-adults. They aren’t. Even a teen who is forced to take over the adult roles in the family, for whatever reason, is still not an adult. Her emotions will still play a role in the decision-making process, though maybe not to the same extent as for another teen.

Remember, teens want to read about believable teen characters. They don’t want to read about adults masquerading as teens. And they know when something feels real and when something's contrived.

Any additional thoughts, suggestions, or comments?

(And yes, parents, I highly recommended the book. There’s some great advice on how to make to most of the developing brain and to help your teen through those rough years. It’s the best book I’ve seen on the topic.)

I hadn’t planned to blog today, but after the great comments on yesterday’s post, I wanted to add an important point.

Now, obviously yesterday's post was part humor and part truth. A number of the tips came from the social psychology, developmental psychology, and research methodology courses I took during my undergrad and graduate studies.

But as many of you pointed out, OBSERVATION of teenagers (or whatever group you’re researching) ISN'T ENOUGH. You want to spend time with them, too.

If you don’t have teenagers living with you, or nephews and nieces (Hey, at least my brother was good for something), then try VOLUNTEERING through a community program (e.g. church, library, community center, YMCA). You won’t be sorry, and maybe you can help ENRICH a teen’s life. And seriously, isn’t that what we YA writers are striving for in the first place? To REACH OUT and make a difference in a teen’s life, even if it's just a small difference.

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Now that summer is upon us, it’s time to study that oft times misunderstood species: THE TEENAGER.

(Please note: I don’t consider teens to be a separate species. I just wanted to clarify that so no one (teens) take offense.)

Obviously this post is geared towards YA writers, but don’t worry, my research tactics (as used by Jane Goodall (chimpanzees) and Dian Fossey (gorillas)) are applicable to any type of character.

1. Make sure you’ve done your PRE-STUDY homework first. You can’t observe your subject without some prior understanding of their behaviour, mating rituals, group dynamics. Recommended readings include: Teen Stages--The Breakthrough, Year-by-Year Approach to Understanding Your Ever-Changing Teen by Elizabeth & Ken Mellor (and yes, somehow they fit that on the cover--barely) and Dr. Karyn's Guide To The Teen Years by Dr. Karyn Gordon. I strongly recommend the first book for the purpose of writing a YA novel. The added bonus is it's a quick read. The second one has some great example of parents to use if you want to create a dysfunctional family in your novel.

2. All good researchers TAKE NOTES. The trick is not to look obvious about it. And DO NOT take photos or videos without permission. That’s just too creepy, and will likely get you arrested, especially if you’re a guy photographing teenage girls. Seriously, don’t do it.

3. Determine the age group you want to study. A thirteen-year-old girl is at a different developmental stage than a seventeen-year-old female. This is where doing your pre-studying, first, helps.

4. Go to their natural environment where they HANG OUT. This isn’t too hard to figure out. At this time of the year, they’re everywhere.

5. Keep your distance at first. You don’t want to freak them out, right? Observe how they interact with their friends. Fortunately, the more friends they’re with, the louder they get. This is extremely helpful when you are spying observing from a distance.

6. Once you’ve GAINED THEIR TRUST (and they don’t look like they’re going to charge at you in an aggressive manner), approach with caution. Dian Fossey had a brilliant technique for this: don’t make eye contact. By keeping your head cocked to the side, and examining that uber-cool top you just discovered, you can approach without setting off any alarms. If the teen makes an indication SHE’s going to bolt, then STAY STILL, and continue to observe on the sly. If HE looks like he’s going to charge, then BACK AWAY slowly while still avoiding eye contact.

7. Listen to what the teens say and how they say it. STUDY their non-verbal gestures. Especially study their non-verbal gestures within their species (BFF, boyfriend, etc) and with individuals of other species (parents). They are especially skilled at looking bored while spending quality time with their family being dragged around by their parents.

8. Go to the places where your main character would hang out. For example, if your character is into Goth, then chances are good she doesn’t hang out in a ballet studio. THOUGH it would be super cool if she did.

9. All good researchers know you have to be careful about GENERALIZATIONS. Teens are individuals. What one teen does is not necessarily applicable to all teens. The more teens you study, the better off you’ll be.

I hope that helps you in your quest to write authentic teens and their dialogue in your YA novel. And don’t forget to study—in addition to studying teens in their natural habitats—their books, TV shows, movies, etc. You’ll gain a wealth of info that way.

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Not long ago, I started sending out queries for Lost in a Heartbeat. I didn’t expect a lot of agents to jump on it since it deals with a tough issue. It really isn’t for everyone. Fortunately, among the form rejections were two personalized ones. The agents liked the concept (yay!), but my voice was an issue. Groan.

I also entered last month's Miss Snark’s First Victim Secret Agent Contest (see her blog for more info on future ones). The Secret Agent was intrigued with my first 250 words, but thought the voice was bland. Talk about a left hook to the ego. Luckily, one of my brilliant crit partners had also read the entries. She told me the ones that grabbed her attention were the ones written in a chick lit voice. She was envious because that wasn’t her natural voice—it was mine.

Now the thing is, I'm jealous of her voice. I also love the voices of Sarah Dessen, Alyson Noel, Lisa McMann, and Richelle Mead. The trouble is I love their voices so much I lost sight of my own. It wasn’t like I was trying to emulate them. Now that would have been a huge disaster. But my Voice Envy had seriously hurt me.

Finding your voice is tricky, especially when you’re a new writer. It’s so easy to want to write like someone else. But even when you’ve established your voice, it so easy to let Voice Envy sway you. Sometimes it works. And sometimes the results are disastrous—as I’ve proven.

For more information on finding your voice, check out the blogs of Mary Kole (agent with Andrea Brown Literary Agency), Elana Johnson (contributor of the Query Tracker Blog), and Christine Fonseca for their brilliant insight.

Has anyone else struggled to find and keep their voice? Or is there an author whose voice you envy? Just beware of that nasty old Voice Envy. You never know when it might strike.

So I’ve learned my lesson. I’m now storing my voice in a safe place so I don’t lose it next time. Somewhere safe from Voice Envy.

I was recently editing Lost in a Heartbeat for voice when I came to the following flashback:

“So where’s your boyfriend?” he asked.

“How do you know I have one?” I did, of course, but Liam wasn’t there. There were only a few weeks left of summer vacation then he’d be leaving for college, so I didn’t think there was anything wrong flirting with this guy. Neither relationship was going to go anywhere, either way.

But I realized the main character, Calleigh, wasn’t the kind of girl to flirt with another guy when she had a boyfriend. Even if the boyfriend was going away to college and she'd no intention of having a long distance relationship. So I tweaked it:

“So where’s your boyfriend?” he asked.

“What makes you think I have one?” Liam and I had broken up only a few days before that. Or rather, I had dumped a Blue Raspberry Slurpee on his lap after Alejandra told me the latest gossip. He’d been caught getting all hot and steamy with a junior varsity cheerleader at a party just the week before. We hadn’t officially broken up, but I figured the Slurpee incident pretty much said it all.

Great except for one problem. Yep, you guessed it. It caused a snowball effect. Other sections then had to be rewritten because of this one little change.

Yes, it was a lot of work, but it was worth it. The result was a domino effect that started with Liam cheating on Calleigh, and which resulted in the story problem. Now you see why I love editing. *grins*

Has this happened to you? Has one little change in your novel led to a snowball effect that you were excited about? One you never expected when you wrote your first draft—or edited your fifth?

As mentioned last week, the voice is what grabs your reader from the beginning and keeps them reading. It’s highly subjective, though. What one person may love, may turn another reader off. Oh well. No one said writing was easy.

But what is the narrative voice? According to Jessica Morrell (see recommended reading), it is “the distinct and memorable sound of the writer, narrator, or character.” The voice, in fiction, will depend on who the narrator is. Is she witty, serious, or conversational? Is she more comfortable discussing fashion or discussing Jane Austen (or maybe both)? Is she from an upper class, middle class, or lower class family? Does she swear? A little or a lot? Is she basically happy with her life or depressed? Is she a romantic or a cynic? All of these will shape the narrative voice.

Here are a few examples from teen novels:

City of Glass, Cassandra Clare (fantasy)

Clary had gone straight to the Institute after she’d talked to Madeleine at the hospital. Jace had been the first one she’d told her mother’s secret to, before even Luke. And he’d stood there and stared at her, getting paler and paler as she spoke, as if she weren’t so much telling him how she could save her mother as draining the blood out of him with cruel slowness.

Parties & Potions, Sarah Mlynowski (chick lit)

Do I like red?

I pirouette before the mirror. Yes, the red shirt could work. Red makes my hair look super-glossy and glamorous and goes great with my favorite jeans.

If I do say so myself.

The shirt has a scooped neckline and adorable bubble sleeves. It’s my back-to-school top for the big, BIG day tomorrow—the very first day of sophomore year! My BFF, Tammy, and I went shopping last week for the occasion. I know I could have just zapped something up, but the first rule of witchcraft is that everything comes from something. I didn’t want to accidentally shoplift a new shirt from Bloomingdale’s.

Along for the Ride, Sarah Dessen (contemporary)

Ten minutes later, I was slipping out the side door, my shoes tucked under my arm, and getting into my car. I drove down the mostly empty streets, past quiet neighbourhoods and dark storefronts, until the lights of Ray’s Diner appeared in the distance. Small, with entirely too much neon, and tables that were always a bit sticky, Ray’s was the only place in town open twenty-four hours, 365 days a year. Since I hadn’t been sleeping, I’d spent more nights than not in a booth there, reading or studying, tipping a buck every hour on whatever I ordered until the sun came up.

Wake, Lisa McMann (paranormal)

Janie Hannagan’s math book slips from her fingers. She grips the edge of the table in the school library. Everything goes black and silent. She sighs and rests her head on the table. Tries to pull herself out of it, but fails miserably. She’s too tired today. Too hungry. She really doesn’t have time for this.

And then.

As you can see from the examples above, the voice is unique for each one. Cassandra Clare is, in my opinion, the master of imagery. Sarah Dessen has a more formal voice. Both used longer, more complex sentences in their novels. Lisa’s voice is compelling with short sentences and sentence fragments (either the noun or the verb is missing), both of which are used frequently throughout the novel. All four use sentence structure and word choices that fit their voice.

The main thing with the voice is to be consistent. You don’t want to start off sounding like Cassandra and end up sounding like Lisa. Not that you should try to copy their voices, either. Experiment until you find the right one for your character. And make sure it sounds natural and not forced and unauthentic.

But what about non-fiction? Does it have a voice or is that only in fiction? Yes, it absolutely has a voice. Figure out what the purpose of the term paper is, then determine the best voice for it. Theme can also play a role here. Of course, if you’re writing a term paper on Romeo and Juliet, you might want to avoid the snarky voice. When in doubt, ask your teacher first. Some prefer a formal voice; some would be delighted if you write something that sticks out from the pile of dull essays. Again, make sure it doesn’t sound forced. Nothing flops faster than humor that misses the mark.

Exercise: Study different novels, short stories, and non-fiction works (magazine articles, books, newspapers) and see what you like and don’t like in a particular voice. Next try to create a voice for a short story or non-fiction article based on your findings. Don’t worry, it might be a mess at first, but you won’t know until you’ve experimented. And don’t be afraid to play around with different voices. You might surprise yourself.

Recommended Readings:
Writing & Selling the YA Novel, K.L. Going

Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us, Jessical Morrell

Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, Renni Browne and Dave King